Introverts manual: the curse of acute empathy

What can I tell you?

That I cry because I read a book?
That I’m depressed because of an image? 

That I saw something and it made me angry?

I could

But

What would you say?
"don't"
you'll say "don't" 

I can’t help but feel it

Feel all

The news traumatize me

I cannot handle feeling that

I hear it and see it

Maybe that’s all you do

But I also feel it

I rather watch something fictitious 

I still feel

But somewhere 

In the back of my mind 

I know

Logically 

That it’s not real 

And I try to get over it 

Sometimes it has its pros

Most times

Well 

Most times I just feel it all

And I can’t stop

My mood swings 

My tears

My anger

That's why I need space 

To center myself

To know what I feel from myself

And what is from others

Sometimes 

I just need a quiet 

Little

Corner

To cry out the emotions 

Which are not mine 

Disney, I love you, but...

Ok, so I just watched a trailer for wreck it Ralph the second movie and let me tell you I loved the princesses part.

Now love for various reasons one of them being that I do usually love watching Disney Movies. Another reason is because they do admit that it is ridiculous what is used to describe a princess.

While Vanellope encounters the princesses they all get in fighting position until she discloses being a princess as well.

Then everyone gives an example of how they are remembered or categorized or basically what made them a princess. Also, did you notice that the princesses are usually only portrayed in the most elegant princess or feminine attire from the movie?

Vanellope’s reaction is awesome; 

“Should I call the police?”

And then the cherry on top

“Do people assume all your problems got solve because a big strong man showed up?”

“yes, what’s up with that?”

“she is a princess!!!” everyone exclaims

Thought I must point out that most of the ones who asked were the classical princesses. Still most princesses and women in general identify with the idea that a man (or partner) is needed to complete us.

Introduce break here: this is a personal choice, chose to be with a man or a woman or whatever else extra or in between, people can also choose to be alone. I am not criticizing those choices, I’m only pointing that Disney always creates a partner for the hero of the story, because the happily ever after seems to be lacking happy without a partner to “complete” a person.

Let’s admit it, Disney presents a lot of nonsense in their movies. Magically delivered and dream-come-true hoping, people-loving but nonsense in the end. It is until recently that it has change some of its themes and presented women in a somewhat different light. In the most resent movies the princess or damsel in distress (DID) does not required the knight in shiny armor, or the charming prince riding through the woods to save her. However, women are often portrayed alongside the male character in the story. Whether he or she saved the day there is still the “big, strong man” in the story.

As I said before Disney is a people’s pleaser, people wanted magic, there you go fairytale movies. People want happiness, happily ever after. People want stronger women, many stories with them being strong but men still save the day. Now, people want strong independent woman and thought Disney has given strong independent women before (Mulan, Pocahontas) people want them beautiful and feminine. Now you have Elsa, magical and independent, and people are asking for a partner, a female partner.

Ok, sure, at the end of the movie she learned to be stronger than before but what about being the strong independent being? Why people have to have someone all the time? Are you saying that women cannot be beautiful, strong, independent and alone to be happy?

So, Disney I love you, but you have to stop telling people that I need someone to complete them and save the day.

Introverts manual: NO NO’s of breakdowns

breakdowns 

 There is no manual

Really 

You can’t control it

Just deal with it

However 

You can

If

You can

Are you up to the challenge? 

Don’t let me go to sleep

Not like that 

Not just saying sleep

Don’t let me think 

Not for too long

Not alone 

Don’t let me go to the 

If

And 

Would’ve 

Those are the worst 

Don’t let me be alone 

And I’m not talking about space 

I’m talking about feeling 

Feeling alone

Apart

Isolated 

It can happen anytime 

Anywhere 

For any and or no reason 

The feeling just starts 

Like vertigo 

It expands and explodes

And then 

Thousands of bug

Crawling on your skin 

Under it

Buzzing in your ears 

But you can’t get rid of them

And the noise

All the noise multiplied

By the most irritably possible 

And

And it’s all in my head 

Just in my head 

Waiting for prince charming… take a seat

Talking about the nonsense that is prince charming, specially in the classics, Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. Seriously the princes are basically useless, just like the princesses.

Why?

Yes, please ask why

It’s because they are passive stand byers. Come on, think about it what is one heroic thing they did? Kiss the girl?

I am a romantic at heart and a good kiss is always welcome, but seriously Prince Charming in Snow White makes two appearances, sings and kisses the girl, and then rides off to the horizon to live happily ever after.

Then, Cinderella, well he also made two appearances, in the ball to dance and at the end to ride the carriage to their happy ending.

The people who make the most in the movies are the evil person or the fairy god mother or the sidekicks.

The princesses just cry, sing, dance and wait. The princes fall in love (yeah right) with the pretty face of the lady, whom they don’t even know by name.

The heroes, or at least the characters who have more saying in the stories are the sidekicks or the evil ones.

Let’s see…

In Snow White everything starts with the Evil Step Mother/Queen, then when she decides to take matters in her own hands she does. Yay for taking the first step in solving your problems instead of waiting for a man to do it. Later, when she thought she won, heigh ho! The dwarves come in and boom, no more evil queen. At the end is when the prince shows his face and oh, so pretty face falls in love with a poisoned pretty face.  

Now

Cinderella, evil step mother wants a servant, and well I could criticize Cinderella but seriously for the time being and the economy the smarter thing to do was being a servant in a house you know rather than being a homeless young woman on the streets. Anyway, yeah pretty-faced prince falls for pretty face in a ball, neither knew the name of the other but one romantic night of dancing ensured their love at first sight story. And who ensure the setting? The king for making the ball, the evil step mother by making the ball be a dream come true, the fairy godmother who made sure the dream came true as she went, and then the Grand duke who is the person looking for the Prince’s love. And the prince? Fine thanks, waiting for someone to do the hard work.

Lastly (for now)

Sleeping Beauty

Ugh

They fell in love, they talked and danced. Then evil fairy’s spell is underway, and Aurora falls asleep. Who rescues her? Well the prince, but only because he is basically a puppet for the fairies' magic. The prince is more active in this case, but the trio of fairies are the ones who rescue him first, then they give him magic everything to defeat Maleficent, the shield, the sword, the aim, all magic. Without their magic he would’ve been imprisoned for a long time or toasted.

Anyway

The idea of prince charming is cute, I am romantic after all, but if you are waiting for a prince charming, take a seat. Or go look for it, but don’t settle for the useless pretty-faced charming.

Introverts manual: translation

Do you want...?

When I ask you that

Please take in consideration

That I would not ask you unless I had thought about it for a while

As an introvert and over thinker 

Consider me a person who would not 
For the worth of life

Would mouth, voiced or shout things randomly 

I have though about it

Considerably

For a while

I can’t 

I physically can’t 

I literally won’t

I don’t make choices on the spot

I think

I write

I consider the 

Thousands and 1 possibilities 

And then 

Maybe

I voice them 

To myself first 

Then I question 

“Do you want...?” 

Don’t

Please don’t give me a 

Fucking ambiguous answer

I’m as ambiguous as can be

If I’m asking you 

Is because I want an answer 

One I can’t find myself 

I can say 

“Well...maybe...I don’t know... it depends”

But not you 

You have to tell me the truth 

Not what you think I want 

Because you should know by now

That I no fucking idea 

I’m asking you

What YOU WANT

so answer me

Introvert manual: breakdown

Can you understand?

Are you willing to try?

As a self-evaluated

Anxious, depressed and introvert person

I must tell you that anything

And I really mean it

ANYTHING

Can be the cause of a mental breakdown

Mini or max

Forgetting the keys

Using long socks instead of shorts

Not finding the pen you just had in your hand a second ago

And it happens to be in your hair now

Anything can be the initial cause

But it doesn’t mean that the breakdown is only that

The break down is because there is something that is bothering

Could be stress from work, school, family

Could be that something is missing

Maybe a hug or two more before sleep

Or could be sleep itself

You know introverts need a lot of attention

But given in small doses

Periodically

Please remember

I don’t want to be like this

I’m not whining or complaining when I have a breakdown

I just need something

But I don’t know what yet

And it is stressing me enough to make me act up

Please hug me

Kiss me

Tell me that you love me

Don’t ask me to calm down

Don’t tell me that it's minor

I know that

And knowing that only makes it worst somehow

Just

Please be patient

And know that if I’m showing you that side of me

Is because I trust you

and I love you too

Introvert manual: on the meaning of tired

No

I’m not mad

I’m not angry 

I’m not disappointed 

I’m sad

I’m depressed

I’m not happy

I’m tired

Tired? 

Have not done anything 

But I’m so tired

Have sleept alot

And can’t be awake

Have tried to rest

But my energy level is down

I’m TIRED 

do you know how it feels? 

To be tired all the time? 

So tired and not even knowing about what? 

So tired that I can’t take a shower

I can’t change my clothes 

I can’t think of being happy

Because that is tiring 

If I can make a list what would it be

“Tiring things for introverts”

Wake up

Go to sleep

Think

Talk

Put on a happy face 

Tell the truth

Then cover it up 

Because explaining it 

Is more tiring than lying 

I can tell you

But I won’t 

Because explaining

Everything I feel 

Is worse

Than just saying

I’m tired 

Writer’s Words

I'm a writer

I don't need your concern 

I don't need your sooting words

I have words

More than you can imagine

More than you can know

I have words to sooth

Or to infuriate

Calming words 

And big words 

To say what I shouldn't 

But do anyway

So don't give me words

If you want to give me something

Give me passion

Give me love with fierceness

Give me power in kisses

Give me indiscretion in a hug

Don't give me words

I know words

I love words

And though they can love me back

They can't give me 

the carnal passion I demand 

Remember I'm a writer

Don't give me words 

Those I have 

I own and I give

Passion in love is what I desire

And I shall have

Introvert manual - Battery

Energy reserve 

If I don't show emotion

If my face is stoic

If my manners are minimal 

Doesn't mean

It doesn't mean I don't know

Or 

I don't want 

Or 

I don't care

It means 

Im trying to conserve my energy

You must understand 

You know how I am

If my energy reserve is low 

It can be over spent 

If faced with overwhelming situations

I then need a place

A moment 

To recharge 

Not because I’m mean

Not because I don’t care 

It is because I spent all my energy

I just need a moment 

Please

Nightingale syndrome

Disney
The most lovable and hate-able company of make-belief and dreams come true for peoples of all ages.
It’s so often praised and criticized for its fragile princesses, damsels in distress, and wishes of true love. Lately it has been more praise for its change from fragile D.I.D. to femme fatale, or something seemingly independent, but that is for another post.
Among a favorite to criticize, in my opinion, is Beauty and the Beast (my sister’s favorite).
now the analysis could go both ways if you really want to point out different points of view, but for the sake of argument and just this post, let's stick to just one, the illusion of love.

It is often pointed that Stockholm syndrome is the main reason for Belle to stay and fall in love with the Beast. Some more romantic opinions are that it is indeed true love which connected them. Be what it may both sides of the balanced can be argued, however being the devil’s advocate, let’s use a third one.
My opinion this time is that there was a different syndrome playing here.
To start let me say that she was not really the helpless captive and victim. She chose to stay. She was treated nice by everyone but the Beast, (in the Disney adaptation, in the folk story the Beast continually shows love and affection). Later when she went to the west wing she was basically kicked out of the castle. No one stopped her, not that they could anyway, they just begged her not to go. She ran out and was free basically. But, because the Beast got injured saving her reckless behind from wolves she decided to go back and help him heal.

The Beast goes from frighting creature to helpless injured soul. Now, Belle being the gentle kind person stays with him because he saved her and he needed someone to take care of him.
There, caregiver falls in love with helpless patient, and vise versa. The Nightingale syndrome.

Belle stayed and helped him while he was weak, saw him when he was down and saw his soft side. In her mind, and others, she stilled saw herself as a prisoner of an enchanted castle, which was way better than her poor provincial town (the one she didn't like either). Remember, she always wanted adventure in the great wide out there, well in an enchanted castle with a Beast who just got injured for her, that's plenty of adventure.
So, she connected with the Beast because both are misfit, misunderstood and prisoners of an enchanted castle. It could be many things but she got to know the Beast better when he was injured.
Also, the Beast had some advice from the servants who would try everything to help him fall in love for the sake of everyone in the castle. With those advises and an injured self, the Beast only had to make puppy eyes, and give her a library.