Introvert Manual: Metathesiophobia

Yes it is a word
Yes it is a phobia
Fear
So much fear in the world
So much nonsensical
Illogical
Fear
Fear, anger
Madness
Complete madness
Is uncontrollable
Is unexpected sometimes
And it’s so cliche on others
I know it
I am aware
And I can not controlled it
There is no control
No reasoning
No appropriate response
There is only
Nonsensical fear
There is no telling
What response will come later
There is avoidance
There is stress
I’m trying to be prepare but nothing works
There is no space for happiness
All the fear, stress anxiety
Grows inside
It needs a way out
With tears, or cries
Or bitching about it
And there is no way to change it
Because that is the freaking fear

Fear of change

Introverts manual: the curse of acute empathy

What can I tell you?

That I cry because I read a book?
That I’m depressed because of an image? 

That I saw something and it made me angry?

I could

But

What would you say?
"don't"
you'll say "don't" 

I can’t help but feel it

Feel all

The news traumatize me

I cannot handle feeling that

I hear it and see it

Maybe that’s all you do

But I also feel it

I rather watch something fictitious 

I still feel

But somewhere 

In the back of my mind 

I know

Logically 

That it’s not real 

And I try to get over it 

Sometimes it has its pros

Most times

Well 

Most times I just feel it all

And I can’t stop

My mood swings 

My tears

My anger

That's why I need space 

To center myself

To know what I feel from myself

And what is from others

Sometimes 

I just need a quiet 

Little

Corner

To cry out the emotions 

Which are not mine 

Introverts manual: NO NO’s of breakdowns

breakdowns 

 There is no manual

Really 

You can’t control it

Just deal with it

However 

You can

If

You can

Are you up to the challenge? 

Don’t let me go to sleep

Not like that 

Not just saying sleep

Don’t let me think 

Not for too long

Not alone 

Don’t let me go to the 

If

And 

Would’ve 

Those are the worst 

Don’t let me be alone 

And I’m not talking about space 

I’m talking about feeling 

Feeling alone

Apart

Isolated 

It can happen anytime 

Anywhere 

For any and or no reason 

The feeling just starts 

Like vertigo 

It expands and explodes

And then 

Thousands of bug

Crawling on your skin 

Under it

Buzzing in your ears 

But you can’t get rid of them

And the noise

All the noise multiplied

By the most irritably possible 

And

And it’s all in my head 

Just in my head 

Introverts manual: translation

Do you want...?

When I ask you that

Please take in consideration

That I would not ask you unless I had thought about it for a while

As an introvert and over thinker 

Consider me a person who would not 
For the worth of life

Would mouth, voiced or shout things randomly 

I have though about it

Considerably

For a while

I can’t 

I physically can’t 

I literally won’t

I don’t make choices on the spot

I think

I write

I consider the 

Thousands and 1 possibilities 

And then 

Maybe

I voice them 

To myself first 

Then I question 

“Do you want...?” 

Don’t

Please don’t give me a 

Fucking ambiguous answer

I’m as ambiguous as can be

If I’m asking you 

Is because I want an answer 

One I can’t find myself 

I can say 

“Well...maybe...I don’t know... it depends”

But not you 

You have to tell me the truth 

Not what you think I want 

Because you should know by now

That I no fucking idea 

I’m asking you

What YOU WANT

so answer me

Introvert manual: breakdown

Can you understand?

Are you willing to try?

As a self-evaluated

Anxious, depressed and introvert person

I must tell you that anything

And I really mean it

ANYTHING

Can be the cause of a mental breakdown

Mini or max

Forgetting the keys

Using long socks instead of shorts

Not finding the pen you just had in your hand a second ago

And it happens to be in your hair now

Anything can be the initial cause

But it doesn’t mean that the breakdown is only that

The break down is because there is something that is bothering

Could be stress from work, school, family

Could be that something is missing

Maybe a hug or two more before sleep

Or could be sleep itself

You know introverts need a lot of attention

But given in small doses

Periodically

Please remember

I don’t want to be like this

I’m not whining or complaining when I have a breakdown

I just need something

But I don’t know what yet

And it is stressing me enough to make me act up

Please hug me

Kiss me

Tell me that you love me

Don’t ask me to calm down

Don’t tell me that it's minor

I know that

And knowing that only makes it worst somehow

Just

Please be patient

And know that if I’m showing you that side of me

Is because I trust you

and I love you too

Introvert manual: on the meaning of tired

No

I’m not mad

I’m not angry 

I’m not disappointed 

I’m sad

I’m depressed

I’m not happy

I’m tired

Tired? 

Have not done anything 

But I’m so tired

Have sleept alot

And can’t be awake

Have tried to rest

But my energy level is down

I’m TIRED 

do you know how it feels? 

To be tired all the time? 

So tired and not even knowing about what? 

So tired that I can’t take a shower

I can’t change my clothes 

I can’t think of being happy

Because that is tiring 

If I can make a list what would it be

“Tiring things for introverts”

Wake up

Go to sleep

Think

Talk

Put on a happy face 

Tell the truth

Then cover it up 

Because explaining it 

Is more tiring than lying 

I can tell you

But I won’t 

Because explaining

Everything I feel 

Is worse

Than just saying

I’m tired 

Introvert manual - Battery

Energy reserve 

If I don't show emotion

If my face is stoic

If my manners are minimal 

Doesn't mean

It doesn't mean I don't know

Or 

I don't want 

Or 

I don't care

It means 

Im trying to conserve my energy

You must understand 

You know how I am

If my energy reserve is low 

It can be over spent 

If faced with overwhelming situations

I then need a place

A moment 

To recharge 

Not because I’m mean

Not because I don’t care 

It is because I spent all my energy

I just need a moment 

Please